Powerful Communication Styles That Get Us What We Want

How would you describe your communication skills?

Would you say you’re a chatterbox, you’re quiet, somewhere in between?

Until we become ‘aware’ of HOW we communicate, we tend to look at communication as means of getting what we want.

In simplest terms, when we say something, we have a GOAL in mind.

At work, effective communication is very important. Each time you speak to a colleague, a manager or a staff member, you are carrying out ‘Business Transaction’ with the- hopefully- clear aim in mind.

Ideally, that aim is:

‘WIN – WIN’ situation.

Think back to the last time your work communication did not achieve the goal you wanted. What went wrong?

Did you have clear outcome in mind? What communication style did you choose? How did you make the other person feel?

If the transaction (communication) did not go well, you probably ended up with ‘WIN – LOSE’ situation.

Now, I don’t know who won and who lost- only you know that. But it’s NOT the ideal way of carrying out business transactions (communications).

Passive, Assertive & Aggressive Communication Styles

Let’s now talk about HOW we communicate, looking at 3 main communication styles:

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*Passive, Assertive & Aggressive*

When you look at these styles, which one, do you think, is the most appropriate communication style?

If you’ve guessed ‘assertive’, you’re right!

Neither ‘Passive’ nor ‘Aggressive’ Communication style will get you the desired results and outcome, be it in personal or professional situations.

Passive communication can indicate the presence of social anxiety, low self-confidence, unhealed trauma, grief, low mood. If you use this communication style long-term, you may feel people no longer respect your boundaries, take you for granted and ‘use’ you.

Aggressive communication suggests impatience, high ‘idiot’ intolerance threshold, lack of empathy and sympathy, selfishness. You have one aim in mind- WIN, for the other party to LOSE. If you tend to react this way in the most of your daily communications, I strongly recommend reaching for help.

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*Assertive Communication Styles- Creating WIN-WIN Situations In Life’s ‘TRANSACTIONS’*

Assertiveness is a wonderful, important life skill that CAN be taught and learned.

It forms a big part of my therapy and coaching practice– I have yet to encounter a client who would not benefit from communication development.

If you suffer from Social Anxiety, learning how to be assertive can feel extremely uncomfortable.

But remember:


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1. You’ve taken that first step today- you’re reading my article and you now have that ‘awareness’ of communication styles and which ones you’re using in which situations. Even if you can’t ‘change’ your style now, you are now aware;

2. Next time you’re in a situation where you KNOW what outcome you’d like, have that aim CLEARLY STATED in your mind. What do you want to achieve? Let’s say you’re going into your manager’s office for a yearly feedback. What do you want out of it? How will you communicate it?

3. With assertiveness, you should be thinking along the lines of:

“I won’t allow you to take advantage of me and I won’t attack you for being who you are.’

Write this statement down and carry it with you. Read it before important communications. It’s your immediate, positive affirmation.

4. Remember, aim for ‘WIN – WIN’ situations in transactions. If you find yourself entering situations where your aim is ‘WIN – LOSE’, pause and look at WHY you’re thinking like that. Reach out to me if you feel you need help with getting this right.

5. Is there someone you admire, whether it’s at work or in your personal life? Do you look at that person and think, gosh, I wish I could be like him/ talk like him?

Chances are that person IS using the right communication styles. Look at what they do, what they say, in other words, ‘be like them’. There’s nothing wrong with modelling on others. Some people, especially CEOs, are lucky to have received in-depth corporate personal and professional self-development and these skills can be passed on to others who haven’t received that training.

Here is a fun way to look at it:

I offer professional, in-depth ‘Assertiveness Training’ if you feel you’d benefit from getting this right (and it’s so important, I’m sure you’d agree).

There are 2 ways to work with me on improving your communication skills:

1. If there are no deeper Anxiety issues present, I offer ‘Assertiveness Workshop’– your information copy can be download here.

2. If there are deeper Anxiety & low self-confidence issues present, I suggest going for a longer-term therapy and coaching.

3. If you haven’t yet had a Complimentary Consultation with me, please book one now.

4. If you’ve had your free consultation and would like to give therapy/ coaching a go, I offer first ‘Assessment Session’ at just £60. For more details & to book, click here.

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